Parashas Miketz - No point in being Arrogant.

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Note: I apologize, I had NO time to proofread this week. Bare with the mistakes. - Thanks!

At the end of last week's parasha, Yosef was innocently thrown into jail. Rooming with him was Pharoh's baker and butler. They were both bothered because of a dream they each had. They asked Yosef to interpret it. Without going into details, Yosef's interpretation was accurate and fulfilled. To the butler he said he would live and remain Pharoh's butler, but to the baker he said he'd die. Yosef told the butler, "Remember me and mention me," for which Hashem punished Yosef with extra prison time.

For two years, Pharoh had very disturbing dreams. He couldn't remember the dreams until the day of Yosef's release. He asked all his men (astrologers, magicians, the wise, etc...) to interpret the dream, but Pharoh dismissed all interpretations.

The butler sent Pharoh a message saying,"Once, the Pharoh became very angry with me and the baker. We were thrown into jail, and one night, we both had dreams which neither of us understood. There was, however, one man in prison with us who interpreted it correctly. He was a young, Hebrew slave. Whichever way he interpreted our dream, it came true."[1]

Rashi explains, the reason the butler told Pharoh that Yosef was a "young, Hebrew slave" was because he was afraid Yosef would of been given the opportunity of high position by Pharoh. His implication of 'young' meant Yosef was a fool so he couldn't become ruler - 'Hebrew' meaning he didn't even speak the language of Pharoh so there's no reason to be ruler - and 'slave' implying he could never become ruler or dress in princely clothing because of Egyptian rules.

Why did the butler say these things? As mentioned above, he was afraid that Yosef would become ruler - so it was jealously?

Unfortunately, things like this happen all the time. A common example: You're good at your job and you're about to get promoted to a higher position. Suddenly, a co-worker overhears the news and begins to fret. It happens to be, this co-worker has been waiting for the same promotion. He figures, best thing to do is mention the negative trait of his competitor, more than the positive, hoping his boss would reconsider.

The Chofetz Chaim says that one who speaks lashon hara in a conceited way violates the commandment, "Be careful lest you forget Hashem your G-d." [2] This commandment prohibits us from acting arrogantly. If the speaker of lashon hara raises his own stature in people's eyes by degrading his victim, his offense is even more severe.

May we only see and speak of the good in other people. There's no point in trying to degrade someone else. The butler tried, hoping Yosef wouldn't get high authority, instead Yosef got it anyway.

Have a wonderful Shabbos,
Nisso

[1] Bereshis Rabba 89:10
[2] Sefer Chofetz Chaim - Hakdama; Mitzvos Lo Tasei's - #5

Parashas Vayeishev - Being a Two-Face

This week's parasha is a biggie. There's a lot of information with a lot of questions. Without knowing much about Yosef, we could question, "Who is this man that's known as 'Yosef Hatzaddik'?"

Why question his title in the first place? Well, in this week's parasha, the Torah teaches us that Yosef would bring back bad reports about his brothers to his father, Yaakov. [Is that the way a Tzaddik deals with situations? Was it for toeles (beneficial) reasons? The Chofetz Chaim speaks about approaching the 'evil-doers' first. Was Yosef so sure his brothers wouldn't take his rebuke?]

Next, Yosef goes to his brothers (then father) and tells them the dreams he had. "We were binding sheaves, while my sheaf stood up straight, and yours prostrated themselves to mine..." "...Another dream I had, the Sun, Moon, and eleven Stars were prostrating themselves to me." [What was Yosef thinking when telling over his dreams? Was he bragging? Was he trying to tell his brothers how much better he was than them?]

The Torah tells us that Yosef's brothers hated him. It's one thing to hate a person without taking any actions, but the next part in the Parasha is Yosef's sale. His brothers tried to get rid of him, and sold him to Arabs. I think the hatred they had for him wasn't so diluted.

Some might start to question, "Who are these brothers?! They are supposed to be our shevatim?" And what about Yaakov, their father? Was it proper chinuch to treat Yosef better than the other brothers? The posuk tells us, "Yaakov loved Yosef more than any of his sons."

The answers aren't the point to my Dvar Torah which is why they aren't answered here. The truth of the matter is, we can NOT have ANY questions on Yaakov, nor his sons. They calculated every single thing they took action for.

One thing got my attention is: Rashi explains the posuk: "The brothers hated Yosef and could not speak to him peaceably," and says, "From their denigration, we learn how praise-worthy they are, because they did not speak one thing with their mouth while thinking another thing in their hearts."[1]

In other words, the brothers were not 'two-faced'. The Chofetz Chaim [2] speaks about the sin of being 'two-faced', which means outwardly smiling while inwardly feeling hateful. He says: Acting friendly in someone's presence while feeling hatred in one's heart can lead to disasters in human relations. The Torah teaches us [3], "You shall not hate your brother in your heart."

With the above said, you see that Rashi still 'praised' the brothers for not outwardly smiling while inwardly hating. I don't recommend emulating the brothers and speaking out your
negative thoughts to those you hate. I think this is something we can learn from!

On one hand, it's praise-worthy to refrain from being a two-faced individual; on the other hand, there is an issur deh'o'raisa to hate your brother in your heart. The best thing to do is to try and work out the reasons behind your anger and hatred for that person. If there's something bothering you, it helps to speak it out, and try to understand the reasons behind his/her wrong-doings.

Have a wonderful Shabbos,
Nisso

[1] Rashi 37:4

[2] Sefer Chofetz Chaim - in the Hak'dama: Mitzvos Lo' Ta'asei 7-9
[3] Vayikra 19:17

Parashas Vayishlach - Honoring Parents

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In this week's parasha, Yaakov sent messengers to Aisav to tell him he was back and wanted to make peace with him. They were given specific instructions on how to approach Aisav - they were told what to say and how to say it. "I have lived with Lavan and survived. I acquired oxen, donkeys, sheep, servants, and maids..." Yaakov instructed them to say.

Rashi explains this to mean: I have resided with the wicked Lavan and still kept 613 mitzvos - ['Garti' in the pasuk has the gematria value of 613]. [1]

The next posukim say: "The messengers returned to Yaakov saying... 'Aisav is coming to meet you with four hundred men.' Yaakov was very frightened and distressed." Rashi says, "He feared he might be killed and was distressed that he might kill others."

Question: Didn't Yaakov just send a message to Aisav saying he kept 613 mitzvos?!! For what reason was he 'frightened'?! Hashem protects a person who keeps His Torah and Mitzvos.

Another question I have: How is it Rashi explains that Yaakov kept 613 mitzvos, when Rashi in the next parasha says: Yaakov heard his son Yosef was eaten by wild animals, and tore his clothing, mourning for many days. "Yaakov did not fulfill kibbud av v'em for twenty years while he was at Lavan's house and two years while he was traveling back from Lavan's house, etc..." [2]

Yaakov feared that Aisav had more merit because he had honored his father all the years Yaakov was by Lavan, thereby giving Aisav success in war. [3] The Torah says one who fulfills the mitzvah of Kibud Av v'Em, prolongs his life. That was Yaakov's calculation.

If you think about it, Yaakov also fulfilled the mitzvah of Kibbud Av v'Em because Rivka instructed him to run away - to her family's house - where Aisav wouldn't think of searching for him there. So in reality, Yaakov did keep the mitzvah of Kibbud Av v'Em. That raises the same question: What was his 'fear' all about? He has the zchus of honoring his parents as well! If that's the case, then why did Rashi in the next Parasha say he did not fulfill Kibbud Av v'Em all the time he was living by Lavan?

I believe the answer is: Let's say, both Yaakov and Aisav fulfilled the mitzvah of honoring parents. Who was there to fulfill it more? Aisav was! Any time Yitzchak needed something, he was able to ask Aisav for it. He already had over twenty years worth the merit Yaakov did. That explains why Yaakov feared that Aisav would win.

I still don't have an answer for Rashi in the next Parasha. I only thought about this question this afternoon, so I didn't have time to look into it. If you have an answer, please email me. [By the way, I am sorry for this "quick, it's Thursday and you don't have a Dvar Torah" dvar Torah. I didn't have time to structure it better.]

We see the importance of Kibbud Av v'Em. It's not a simple commandment. Yaakov, our father (a huge tzaddik), who had faith in Hashem and wasn't scared of anything because he trusted in Him - was frightened because of the 'lack of kibbud av v'em' he might have had.

May we be zocheh to fulfill all 613 mitvos, whether in a good environment or bad one (like Yaakov did in Lavan's house!)

Have a wonderful Shabbos,
Nisso

[1] 32:5
[2] 37:34
[3] Bereishis Rabba 76:2

Parashas Vayeitzei - The Difference between a Tzaddik and a Rasha

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After receiving Aisav's brachos from Yitzchak, Yaakov was advised (by Rivka) to run away so that Aisav wouldn't kill him. Hashem revealed Himself to Yaakov through a dream to show him that He would be with him every step of the way.

Yaakov made a vow, "If Hashem will be with me, and guards me on this path that I am going on, gives me bread to eat and clothing to wear... I will surely give a tenth to You." Rashi explains the line of, "And give me bread to eat..." as: 'One who must search for bread is considered abandoned', for it says, "I have never seen a righteous man forsaken (abandoned) and his children searching for bread." [1],[2]

I got a little confused after reading this Rashi, because I recall learning by the incident of the Nachash (who convinced Chava to eat from the Eitz Ha'daas); that one of the nine punishments he got for causing this sin was, "And dust you shall eat all the days of your life." [3] Everything the snake eats tastes like dust. He is provided with food wherever he goes. No worries.

Question is: Why is that a punishment? It seems like a blessing to have food whenever, wherever he is. The answer I learned: Hashem provides to people when He wants nothing to do with them. The reason why Hashem brings suffering upon us is because He wants us to talk (cry out; daven) to Him. He wants a connection with us. By the nachash, Hashem didn't want to be bothered with him, so He granted the nachash enough sustenance for the rest of his life.

Does this seem a little contradicting with the Rashi I stated above? Hashem made a promise to Yaakov that He will provide bread for him to eat, and will not forsake (abandon) him. Seems like the same thing Hashem did for the nachash.

I believe the answer is: Hashem provided for the nachash all the sustenance he needed, because Hashem didn't want to have the nachash come begging for food. That's the difference between a rasha and a tzaddik! A rasha comes to Hashem only when he needs something from Him. If he sees he is lacking, he will suddenly make believe he and Hashem are "close," and would ask for help. A tzaddik, however, goes to Hashem for whatever the situation he's in. If the tzaddik is having a bad day, he will say, "Baruch Hashem!" If he has whatever he needs, such as: food, clothing, happiness, health, parnassa, etc... He will acknowledge it all came from Hakadosh Baruch Hu, and thank Him! He doesn't only 'connect' with Hashem when something bad happens, rather at all times.

That's why Hashem provided (everyday) both the nachash and the tzaddik "bread." Because Hashem knew the tzaddik wouldn't abandon Him. He would still keep the connection and praise Him. However, by the nachash, Hashem knew he would only come to Him when he needs something, therefore He provided only to push him away.

May we always have everything we need and acknowledge that it comes from Hakadosh Baruch Hu and thank Him both for the good events that happen to us and the bad.

Have a wonderful Shabbos,
Nisso

[1] Bereishis 28:20
[2] Tehillim 36:28
[3] Bereishis 3:14

Parashas Toldos - YOU control your happiness

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'Toldos' in English means descendants. The parasha starts off by saying, "These are the descendants of Yitzchak, son of Avraham." We are soon to be introduced to two famous, (very!) individual people, Yaakov and Eisav.

Yitzchak and Rivka had been married for twenty years with no children. They both prayed to Hashem to grant them a child and were shortly answered (because of Yitzchak's prayer), when she soon got pregnant.

This pregnancy was extremely painful. She literally felt as if there was a battle going on in her womb. Whenever she would pass a Bais Midrash she would feel a force wanting to get out of her womb, or whenever she would pass a place of idol worship she would also feel a force wanting to get out. She was confused as to what was going on.

Rivka questioned, "If this is what happens when one gets pregnant, then why did I desire this?!" I want to answer: [besides the explanation Rashi [1] gave as to why Hashem answered Yitzchak's prayer over Rivka's: Yitzchak was a tzaddik, the son of a tzaddik, whereas Rivka was a tzaddekes, the daughter of a rasha."] Hashem knew she would regret it, and didn't think this gift of children should come from her prayer, rather Yitzchak's.

She visited the Bais Midrash of Shaim to inquire about the pregnancy. He prophetically told her that she was carrying twins, that she would become the mother of two great nations. Although she is carrying them both together in her womb, once they are born, the world will be too small for peace between them. Therefore it makes sense they can't sit in peace together in her womb.

Shaim then told her, "The two nations you will bear will not become great simultaneously. The rise of one will depend on the downfall of the other." Rashi says that pashut pshat is, "They will not be equally great. When one rises, the other falls."

After reading this explanation, I felt I could apply this concept onto everyday life situations.

Example: A person can't be happy and depressed at the same time. In order to decrease depression, you should add happiness to your life. It can be done in many ways: You can learn to think positively, do something productive - which makes you feel good about yourself, connect with a friend, etc...

There are times when people have wonderful days. He feels like everything is going well in his life - got nothing to complain about. He has a wonderful family, good friends, learning or business is going well, etc... However at times, he may feel like he is challenged with a test he doesn't think he can pass. The evil inclination, trying to convince him to do something he knows he will regret in the future, instantly changes his mood from happiness to sadness or worse, even depression.

Rav Zelig Pliskin, in his book called 'Happpiness', explains the 'art of happiness'. He writes, "It's important to master the skill of 're-framing'. Definition: Events, situations and occurrences in themselves do not cause you happiness or unhappiness. It is ALWAYS your personal, subjective evaluation of those events that create your emotional reaction... If you evaluate or re-frame, something as positive, you will experience happiness, joy, serenity, relief, or pleasure. It is your own way of thinking about something that creates your emotional reactions."

I find, when you leave room for the negative thoughts to pop into your head, it can be very controlling. The trick is to stop negative thoughts from popping in right away. Fill your head with positive, reassuring affirmations. By doing that, you won't have room to let the sadness, annoyance, frustration, anger, distress, or suffering 'take over' or influence the positive mind-set.

"When one rises, the other falls!" It's in OUR control to decide whether we want to let the negative emotions to take over and rule.

I give us a blessing that we should all continue to be strong and happy in whatever situations arise and to always evaluate them positively.

Have a wonderful Shabbos,
Nisso

[1] 25:21

Parashas Chayei Sarah - Go from being Cursed to Blessed !

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In this week's parasha, Avraham instructed Eliezer (his servant) to find a wife for Yitzchak. Avraham thought, "Yitzchak is getting old, and he still has no children. I think it's time for him to get married." Avraham demanded that Yitzchak marry only within his family, because they are blessed. [1] "Even though my relatives are idol worshipers, they still have potential for holiness and are capable of doing teshuva," Avraham told Eliezer. [2]

Eliezer got excited because he felt it would be amazing if Yitzchak married his daughter, but Avraham reminded him that he is a descendant of Canaan, whose family has been cursed and Yitzchak was blessed. "A cursed one and blessed one cannot unite," he told Eliezer. [3]

You might ask, "What was Eliezer thinking?! He was a slave, a Canaani! Did he actually think his daughter was worthy of marrying Avraham Avinu's son?!"

Truth be told, Eliezer wasn't a simpleton. He was a tzadik! He went from entering Avraham's home as a slave, to the status of Avraham's outstanding student who took his Torah and passed it on to others. He learned from Avraham and was also very big into chesed and hachnasas orchim. He was able to control his Yeitzer Hara like Avraham, and even resembled Avraham outwardly. [4]

As a matter of fact, by serving Avraham faithfully, Eliezer elevated himself from the category of being cursed to being blessed. That's why he had his daughter in mind to marry Yitzchak - because he thought she was blessed too. [5]

Having learned the above details, I couldn't help notice the chesed Hashem does for us:

Eliezer was cursed because he was a Canaani, however, after working hard and proving his faithfulness to Avraham, Hashem transformed the curse to a blessing. Let's take it up a notch: Let's say it was nigzar (decreed) upon us that something bad will happen (chas v'Shalom). Doing what Hashem wants from us and being His faithful children will surely take away this evil decree and bring a blessing upon us. I don't see a difference between being cursed and now blessed, to having a bad decree on us which can be changed to a good one.

When I was younger, I use to be a trouble-maker. I remember thinking, "My parents think I am a bad boy, so why not just continue being bad." It seemed like there was nothing I can do to change the way they viewed me. Of course, I wasn't exactly thinking very maturely then.

Sometimes a person thinks to himself, "I already have a bad decree on me, and there's probably nothing I can do to can change it, so I might as well continue misbehaving." OR "I am going to die someday anyways, so why not continue smoking?" - whatever the case is, there's always another option.

For those who think they have the worst 'luck' in the word, it can change. Everything is min hashemayim. It's up to us to do the Will of Hashem and be his faithful children. We see this from Eliezer who was cursed, but because of his hard work and loyalty, he was able to uproot the curse and replace it with a blessing.

May we always be showered with blessings and keep doing the Will of Hashem.

Have a wonderful Shabbos,
Nisso

[1] Bereishis Rabba 57:2
[2] Midrash HaGadol 24:3
[3] Tiferes Tzion
[4] Bereishis Rabba 59:11
[5] Tiferes Tzion

Parashas Vayera - Honor me; by being my guest !

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In this week's Parasha, we learn the importance of how to look positively at situations. I have been talking to a lot of different people in the last couple weeks, and I find that everyone has different ways of looking at the same situation.

I don't want to get into details of what our conversations consisted of. I do not want to disrespect their views because I accept their views and opinions. I did, however, find that Avraham Avinu also had his own way of looking at things. A special way:

He had just preformed his bris mila and on the third day (the day it hurts the most) he waited by the entrance of his tent in order to invite and serve guests. Even though he was in a lot of pain, the thought of 'not being able to fulfill the mitzvah of hachnasat orchim' hurts even more.

Hashem wanted him to rest and recover from the bris, but the pain of not fulfilling this mitzvah was distracting him. Hashem even brought the sun out - powerfully - in order that Avraham Avinu wouldn't be burdened with travelers. That didn't stop Avraham. When it had been a while since any travelers passed by his tent, he started to get sad. Hashem saw that not being able to serve guests was even more painful, so He sent three angels disguised as men.

There's a saying, "Guests and fish start to smell after three days." Sometimes people feel like guests either intrude, or start to get annoying after a certain amount of days. People feel like they have done so much for the guest, that they might be taking advantage of them to some extent. I've heard it many times from other people. Truth is, it depends on the person staying over. Some people just get 'too' comfortable, you feel like they will never leave.

Avraham Avinu, on the other hand, looks at it much differently than others. He tells the 'men', "I will get bread and you will sustain your hearts. Afterwards you will continue on your way because it is for this reason that you have passed by your servant."

Rashi [5:18] comments, "What does this mean, 'It is for this reason that you have passed by'."? He answers, "You have passed by for my honor, as in, 'It is a privilege to be able to serve you. You are doing me a favor, and I thank you!'"

Avraham Avinu didn't know what type of guests these men would be. He invited them wholeheartedly. His focus wasn't on 'how much will I be taken advantage of?'; 'How long are they going to be here for?'; 'How much is this going to cost me?'; or 'How much do they have to offer?' His focus was solely for the purpose to doing Hashem's mitzvah of serving guests. It was all about giving, and not taking.

That was Avraham and Sarah's midda. They were givers. When someone wants to do something so much, Hashem will make it possible. In the above case, Hashem saw how much Avraham wanted to give so much to guests. Even at a time of recovery from illness and pain, Avraham couldn't think of doing anything else but give. And so, Hashem made sure to give him the opportunity.

In the very same Parasha, Sarah gives birth to Yitzchak at a very old age - 90 years old. Everyone was talking about her, "She probably found a baby in the field and decided to keep him. It's possible it isn't even their child!" etc... [1] Hashem made Avraham and Yitzchak look exactly alike. Nobody could claim Yitzchak wasn't his child. In addition, Hashem made a miracle that all nursing mothers dried up, and Sarah had plenty of mommy's milk. Women were lining up by Sarah's tent to have their babies nurse from her. [2]

The point of bringing the above midrash was to show you the miracle Hashem did for Sarah. It was her nature to give to others, and now, she was able to provide for everyone's child. The same applies by Avraham, who wanted to continuously give - Hashem made it so that angels in human uniform would be guests by him. All this was done in order for Avraham and Sarah to do what they loved doing: GIVE.

I give us a beracha that we see situations in a different light. View them all with positive perspectives and feel optimistic about life.

Have a wonderful Shabbos,
Nisso

[1] Baba Matziah 87a
[2] Bereishis Rabba 43:13