Parashas Vayishlach - Honoring Parents

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In this week's parasha, Yaakov sent messengers to Aisav to tell him he was back and wanted to make peace with him. They were given specific instructions on how to approach Aisav - they were told what to say and how to say it. "I have lived with Lavan and survived. I acquired oxen, donkeys, sheep, servants, and maids..." Yaakov instructed them to say.

Rashi explains this to mean: I have resided with the wicked Lavan and still kept 613 mitzvos - ['Garti' in the pasuk has the gematria value of 613]. [1]

The next posukim say: "The messengers returned to Yaakov saying... 'Aisav is coming to meet you with four hundred men.' Yaakov was very frightened and distressed." Rashi says, "He feared he might be killed and was distressed that he might kill others."

Question: Didn't Yaakov just send a message to Aisav saying he kept 613 mitzvos?!! For what reason was he 'frightened'?! Hashem protects a person who keeps His Torah and Mitzvos.

Another question I have: How is it Rashi explains that Yaakov kept 613 mitzvos, when Rashi in the next parasha says: Yaakov heard his son Yosef was eaten by wild animals, and tore his clothing, mourning for many days. "Yaakov did not fulfill kibbud av v'em for twenty years while he was at Lavan's house and two years while he was traveling back from Lavan's house, etc..." [2]

Yaakov feared that Aisav had more merit because he had honored his father all the years Yaakov was by Lavan, thereby giving Aisav success in war. [3] The Torah says one who fulfills the mitzvah of Kibud Av v'Em, prolongs his life. That was Yaakov's calculation.

If you think about it, Yaakov also fulfilled the mitzvah of Kibbud Av v'Em because Rivka instructed him to run away - to her family's house - where Aisav wouldn't think of searching for him there. So in reality, Yaakov did keep the mitzvah of Kibbud Av v'Em. That raises the same question: What was his 'fear' all about? He has the zchus of honoring his parents as well! If that's the case, then why did Rashi in the next Parasha say he did not fulfill Kibbud Av v'Em all the time he was living by Lavan?

I believe the answer is: Let's say, both Yaakov and Aisav fulfilled the mitzvah of honoring parents. Who was there to fulfill it more? Aisav was! Any time Yitzchak needed something, he was able to ask Aisav for it. He already had over twenty years worth the merit Yaakov did. That explains why Yaakov feared that Aisav would win.

I still don't have an answer for Rashi in the next Parasha. I only thought about this question this afternoon, so I didn't have time to look into it. If you have an answer, please email me. [By the way, I am sorry for this "quick, it's Thursday and you don't have a Dvar Torah" dvar Torah. I didn't have time to structure it better.]

We see the importance of Kibbud Av v'Em. It's not a simple commandment. Yaakov, our father (a huge tzaddik), who had faith in Hashem and wasn't scared of anything because he trusted in Him - was frightened because of the 'lack of kibbud av v'em' he might have had.

May we be zocheh to fulfill all 613 mitvos, whether in a good environment or bad one (like Yaakov did in Lavan's house!)

Have a wonderful Shabbos,
Nisso

[1] 32:5
[2] 37:34
[3] Bereishis Rabba 76:2