Parashas Vayeishev - Being a Two-Face

This week's parasha is a biggie. There's a lot of information with a lot of questions. Without knowing much about Yosef, we could question, "Who is this man that's known as 'Yosef Hatzaddik'?"

Why question his title in the first place? Well, in this week's parasha, the Torah teaches us that Yosef would bring back bad reports about his brothers to his father, Yaakov. [Is that the way a Tzaddik deals with situations? Was it for toeles (beneficial) reasons? The Chofetz Chaim speaks about approaching the 'evil-doers' first. Was Yosef so sure his brothers wouldn't take his rebuke?]

Next, Yosef goes to his brothers (then father) and tells them the dreams he had. "We were binding sheaves, while my sheaf stood up straight, and yours prostrated themselves to mine..." "...Another dream I had, the Sun, Moon, and eleven Stars were prostrating themselves to me." [What was Yosef thinking when telling over his dreams? Was he bragging? Was he trying to tell his brothers how much better he was than them?]

The Torah tells us that Yosef's brothers hated him. It's one thing to hate a person without taking any actions, but the next part in the Parasha is Yosef's sale. His brothers tried to get rid of him, and sold him to Arabs. I think the hatred they had for him wasn't so diluted.

Some might start to question, "Who are these brothers?! They are supposed to be our shevatim?" And what about Yaakov, their father? Was it proper chinuch to treat Yosef better than the other brothers? The posuk tells us, "Yaakov loved Yosef more than any of his sons."

The answers aren't the point to my Dvar Torah which is why they aren't answered here. The truth of the matter is, we can NOT have ANY questions on Yaakov, nor his sons. They calculated every single thing they took action for.

One thing got my attention is: Rashi explains the posuk: "The brothers hated Yosef and could not speak to him peaceably," and says, "From their denigration, we learn how praise-worthy they are, because they did not speak one thing with their mouth while thinking another thing in their hearts."[1]

In other words, the brothers were not 'two-faced'. The Chofetz Chaim [2] speaks about the sin of being 'two-faced', which means outwardly smiling while inwardly feeling hateful. He says: Acting friendly in someone's presence while feeling hatred in one's heart can lead to disasters in human relations. The Torah teaches us [3], "You shall not hate your brother in your heart."

With the above said, you see that Rashi still 'praised' the brothers for not outwardly smiling while inwardly hating. I don't recommend emulating the brothers and speaking out your
negative thoughts to those you hate. I think this is something we can learn from!

On one hand, it's praise-worthy to refrain from being a two-faced individual; on the other hand, there is an issur deh'o'raisa to hate your brother in your heart. The best thing to do is to try and work out the reasons behind your anger and hatred for that person. If there's something bothering you, it helps to speak it out, and try to understand the reasons behind his/her wrong-doings.

Have a wonderful Shabbos,
Nisso

[1] Rashi 37:4

[2] Sefer Chofetz Chaim - in the Hak'dama: Mitzvos Lo' Ta'asei 7-9
[3] Vayikra 19:17