Parashas Toldos - YOU control your happiness

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Aliya Neshama: Fortune Mazal Bat Sarah
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'Toldos' in English means descendants. The parasha starts off by saying, "These are the descendants of Yitzchak, son of Avraham." We are soon to be introduced to two famous, (very!) individual people, Yaakov and Eisav.

Yitzchak and Rivka had been married for twenty years with no children. They both prayed to Hashem to grant them a child and were shortly answered (because of Yitzchak's prayer), when she soon got pregnant.

This pregnancy was extremely painful. She literally felt as if there was a battle going on in her womb. Whenever she would pass a Bais Midrash she would feel a force wanting to get out of her womb, or whenever she would pass a place of idol worship she would also feel a force wanting to get out. She was confused as to what was going on.

Rivka questioned, "If this is what happens when one gets pregnant, then why did I desire this?!" I want to answer: [besides the explanation Rashi [1] gave as to why Hashem answered Yitzchak's prayer over Rivka's: Yitzchak was a tzaddik, the son of a tzaddik, whereas Rivka was a tzaddekes, the daughter of a rasha."] Hashem knew she would regret it, and didn't think this gift of children should come from her prayer, rather Yitzchak's.

She visited the Bais Midrash of Shaim to inquire about the pregnancy. He prophetically told her that she was carrying twins, that she would become the mother of two great nations. Although she is carrying them both together in her womb, once they are born, the world will be too small for peace between them. Therefore it makes sense they can't sit in peace together in her womb.

Shaim then told her, "The two nations you will bear will not become great simultaneously. The rise of one will depend on the downfall of the other." Rashi says that pashut pshat is, "They will not be equally great. When one rises, the other falls."

After reading this explanation, I felt I could apply this concept onto everyday life situations.

Example: A person can't be happy and depressed at the same time. In order to decrease depression, you should add happiness to your life. It can be done in many ways: You can learn to think positively, do something productive - which makes you feel good about yourself, connect with a friend, etc...

There are times when people have wonderful days. He feels like everything is going well in his life - got nothing to complain about. He has a wonderful family, good friends, learning or business is going well, etc... However at times, he may feel like he is challenged with a test he doesn't think he can pass. The evil inclination, trying to convince him to do something he knows he will regret in the future, instantly changes his mood from happiness to sadness or worse, even depression.

Rav Zelig Pliskin, in his book called 'Happpiness', explains the 'art of happiness'. He writes, "It's important to master the skill of 're-framing'. Definition: Events, situations and occurrences in themselves do not cause you happiness or unhappiness. It is ALWAYS your personal, subjective evaluation of those events that create your emotional reaction... If you evaluate or re-frame, something as positive, you will experience happiness, joy, serenity, relief, or pleasure. It is your own way of thinking about something that creates your emotional reactions."

I find, when you leave room for the negative thoughts to pop into your head, it can be very controlling. The trick is to stop negative thoughts from popping in right away. Fill your head with positive, reassuring affirmations. By doing that, you won't have room to let the sadness, annoyance, frustration, anger, distress, or suffering 'take over' or influence the positive mind-set.

"When one rises, the other falls!" It's in OUR control to decide whether we want to let the negative emotions to take over and rule.

I give us a blessing that we should all continue to be strong and happy in whatever situations arise and to always evaluate them positively.

Have a wonderful Shabbos,
Nisso

[1] 25:21