I've been waking up around 5am since
Rosh Chodesh Elul. Besides the fact my one year old daughter has an
internal alarm which wakes us all up at exactly 5:09am –
everyday(!!!) - I also have the custom to say selichot a month before
Rosh HaShana. I prefer doing it on my own in yeshivah rather than
going to a minyan because I can at least go at my own pace and
actually know what I am saying.
For the first two weeks, I was saying
selichos with enthusiasm and concentration, however, lately – this
past week - I've noticed that I haven't had as much enthusiasm as I
did when I started. What can I do to make this more meaningful to me?
I remembered a similar situation (see next paragraph) and concluded
that I need to create a “meaningful environment” when reciting
selichos!
Last year, I made sure that all 8 days
of Chanuka I would sing Ma Oz Tzur, Al HaNissim, etc. with joy and
enthusiasm because every year (and I see this often with others too,)
the first day or two of Chanuka is fun, exciting, joyous, etc but
after 3-4 days, we think, “OK, been there, done that. Let's just
sing through this quickly... My jelly doughnut is getting stale...”
So I decided to just “act” joyous and enthusiastic. Baruch
Hashem, I was able to make all 8 days exciting for my kids, wife,
and myself!
In the third aliyah in this week's
parasha, the Torah says, “This very day, Hashem, your God, commands
you to perform these statues and the laws; You shall observe and
perform them wholeheartedly and with your whole being.”
Rashi explains, “This very day”
– Each day, let them appear pleasantly new to you, as if on that
very day, you had been commanded to perform them.
It was such siyata dishmaya reading
this Rashi! If I had to learn it, there's no week better than this
week to learn it! I seriously thought for the last 3-4 days, what can
I do to help my selichos! After reading this Rashi, I felt like
Hashem was trying to help me remember the Chanukah story (mentioned
above.) Just as I took upon myself to continue reading Ma Oz Tzur,
etc with joy, so too, I should sing selichos with enthusiasm! Even
though I don't feel like it, I should still do it.
It seems like from this Rashi that IT
IS A CHOICE! I have the choice to either read it with exhaustion
and no interest, OR I can
make It appear pleasantly new and meaningful to me! No different than
when I first recited selichos with anticipation, concentration and
enthusiasm!
May our prayers
be answered for the good and have all the berachos in the Torah!!
Ksiva Vchasima
Tova,
Nisso
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