Last night I was talking to a friend and I asked him if I can ask him a personal question. After he responded “Yes,” I asked him if he was a Ger (convert). He answered, “Yes,” and then said, “Maybe you should ask a Rabbi if you can ask those type of questions, because it might be a problem halachically.”
Instantly a halacha came to my mind: The Chofetz Chaim says you may not ask a Ba'al Tshuva whether he remembers doing a certain maaisa when he wasn't religious. He might not want to remember his past and by asking him, it will bring up memories he tried forgetting. [1] It seems like the halacha would apply here as well.
There might be Ba'alei Tshuva or Gairim who are more sensitive than others. For example: I have absolutely no problem if someone were to remind (or ask) me of my non-religious days. I am proud of my past because it got me to where I am today (obviously I regret it and have repented.) Nevertheless, I have tasted both life styles and I chose the best one.
Just because I don't mind speaking of my past doesn't mean others wouldn't mind either. There might be things I am sensitive about but others aren't, and vice versa.
In this week's parasha, the Torah speaks about Ona'as Devarim - hurting someone through words. [2] The Gemara says that hurting someone through words is worse than stealing someone's money. The reason is because if someone stole money, you can pay it back. However, if you hurt someone verbally, you can't undo it. [3]
Baruch Hashem my friend was not offended by my question last night. I do, however, apologize to anyone whom I might have hurt through my words and ask for their forgiveness.
Have a wonderful Shabbos,
Nisso
[1] Sefer Chofetz Chaim – Intro; Lavim 13
[2] 25:17
[3] Baba Matziah 48b
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